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Gamers with Children

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by SnipeAHolic12, Feb 6, 2015.

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  1. SnipeAHolic12

    SnipeAHolic12 Active Member

    Hey guys, I am in need of a bit of advice. This issue has been bothering me and has evened worsened my depression. On November 22, 2014, my daughter was born. It has been a life changer. I am 21 years old with 1 semester left of college. Having a child has changed all of my life plans in one way or another. My gaming has gone from a few hours a day to less than an hour a week. I have been gaming since I got my PlayStation 1. Gaming has been a big part of my life. Over 5 years ago while I was in high school, I got H1N1, Swine Flu. After it cleared up I fell into depression. I have been fighting it since. Gaming has been a source of comfort. I vent my feelings into my games. It makes me feel better. And going from gaming a lot to not at all, it's as if I am having withdrawals. I recently purchased a gaming PC, only a few months ago, bought a monitor, Razer gear (see signature) and now my Seiren is in the mail and a new Sabertooth since I lost mine and have had it only for a month. I have all this stuff and no time to play. I have put so much money into gaming that I cannot use. My question is to those parents that play games and have a full time job. How often do you get to play? Is it worth me keeping all these things that just remind me of what I cannot do. It breaks my heart but I feel as though I should sell my PC and also my PS4 due to lack of time to play.

    I hope you guys understand where I am coming from and can give me positive feedback. I know on Facebook and other social media sites, people will post things such as, "You need to grow up and stop being a baby" or, "Maybe you shouldn't have had a kid at that age then". I just want positive feedback. I hope this community can show me that.
     
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  2. Nanoforge

    Nanoforge Active Member

    I wish I had the ultimate advice that would solve all your problems but in reality each family is different. With two kids of my own (now in teen stage) I have a little more time to myself for gaming but babies make personal time hard with the tradeoff that you are now a father with a child that you will mold and mature in your own fashion and find your life enriched through that. It is an adjustment. Personally I wouldn't give up the devices that entertain you just realize that you are going to be sharing time between them and your child, maybe more with the child than you had imagined. I think one of the things that made up for my lack of devotion to my hobbies when I had kids, was learning to play with them and eventually expose them to my hobbies in ways that made them smart and savvy when it came to computers and video games. I do not mourn the lost time spent in front of the console, instead I relish in the time I have had playing and making memories with my children and I think you will have the same with your baby watching them mature and playing with them in a more interactive way than you might be able to with any techno-toy. I love my videogames and guard my computer as if it is another child, but I wouldn't trade the time I have enjoyed with my two kids for anything. Hope this gives you some help.
     
  3. BobbyMike

    BobbyMike Member

    Just know that it gets better. The first several years of a child's arrival means that both parents need to make some adjustments. My wife and I stopped watching TV. Completely (never really started again). I also stopped playing computer games for quite a while. As the kids (I have four, 21, 19, 16, 11) got older and slept better it was easier to slip back some gaming into my schedule. Now I have four gamer children (the whole gamut from DOTA, TF2, COD , Borderlands, Sims, etc.) and my wife even joins us occasionally to play Mario Kart.
    Try taking the time to just enjoy your daughter for now. I found that the first few years were incredibly rewarding as a father (not that it still isn't). For your daughter EVERYTHING will be new. And you will get to see that excitement first hand. And then someday, not too far in the near future, you'll actually be able to play video games with her. And you will love it - even when she kicks your butt.
     
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  4. BobbyMike

    BobbyMike Member

    And I should note that you started 10 years earlier than me (I was 30 when my oldest was born), so I'm going on 52 and still playing video games. You have many, many years of gaming left. You can get through this!
     
    SnipeAHolic12 likes this.
  5. SnipeAHolic12

    SnipeAHolic12 Active Member

    Thanks guys for the replies. It really helped reading it from people who experienced this first hand. I look forward to watching my daughter grow. She means the world to me and is the reason I am in college still. I need this degree to get a job so I can support her. She is my everything right now. Thank you guys so much for the replies.
     
    Nanoforge and BobbyMike like this.
  6. Nanoforge

    Nanoforge Active Member

    Nothing warms my heart than to see a devoted father. Just think, when she is old enough to get involved in the latest video-game craze, you can take her aside and show her how video games were when you were young. Maybe even take her on in a few rounds.....And let her win!:)
     
    SnipeAHolic12 likes this.
  7. Quailstick

    Quailstick Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. I was a huge gamer (still am) before my first child was born when I was 25. I watched as my gaming time went from hours every week to just a small session once a week. For me it was a huge thing because that was how I stayed in touch with my friends when I was stationed in Korea. As was mentioned by other posters there is going to be an adjustment period. I didn't really get adjusted to it for almost a year and by then I was able to game just a little bit more. I found myself leaning a little more towards console gaming so I could be in the living room with everyone. I would say don't give it up though. Just now that it will take some time to adjust. My 2nd one was born this past November and I just cant wait till I get home to see him in person even though I know I know I wont get to play anything for the foreseeable future when I'm back.
     
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  8. SnipeAHolic12

    SnipeAHolic12 Active Member

    I kind of have a game plan. Once I move out on my own, currently living with my fiance's family to help with the child, I plan on getting really amazing internet. I'm pretty sure my internet will be better than the apartment I get haha. Anyways, I have a PS4 and a PC, but I do not plan on getting any more consoles. I plan on getting a Razer Forge and then streaming my games to my living room. When my daughter is older, and any other children that I may have on the way, will be able to watch me play and I will still have family time while playing games. I really hope the Razer Forge is good so I do not have to make my own steam box, which I wouldn't mind I just really like Razer. I'm glad gaming won't be dead for me. I'll just have to wait till she older and not need me to change her diapers, feed her, or wake up at 3am to feed her. Once she can eat solid food and sleep through the night, I feel it'll be a little easier. Right now she is 2 1/2 months and just rolled over fully not too long ago. I'm glad I was able to be there and see it. It touches my heart seeing her grow. She is the reason I am doing what I am doing. With my depression I have thoughts of suicide. But ever since I laid eyes on my daughter, I can't image what her life would be like if I wasn't in it. She really is my reason for living.

    Thank you guys for understanding thoughts.I'm glad I didn't post this on another site where there would be negative comments. It means a lot you guys. It really does.
     
  9. Quailstick

    Quailstick Well-Known Member

    From what I can tell you are going to be a great father and your daughter came into your life for a reason. I love this community and if you ever need someone to talk to you can always message me. It sounds like you have a really good handle on everything right now but there can alway be a trying day. Just always remember exactly what you said. Your daughters life would never be the same without you. Stay strong man.
     
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  10. Cyrus23

    Cyrus23 Member

    I am now 31, have a 7 year old and a 3 month old so I am right there with you. DO NOT get rid of your equipment. Right now is going to be the most difficult time when it comes to parenting and trying to find time to do ANYTHING. I to suffered from depression while I was raising my son as a single father with a drug addicted dead beat mother BUT he kept me grounded. I now have a loving wife and an amazing little girl. I am much more busy than I have ever been in my life. I actually come to forums like this for a quick update or fix on what is happening in the gaming world when I can't sit down for an hour to play a couple matches. I see posts like this and new tech coming out and that right now is good enough for me because I know she will sleep through the night soon, my son might stay at his friends or grandmas and my wife might call it an early night.
    I am actually looking forward to new tech like the Forge TV so I have more flexibility, I picked up a Chromecast's to place in different rooms to be able to stream anime and youtube while feeding her in the nursery. As parents we might not be able to use our badass rigs as much as we want to but rest assured that it is sitting there ready to be used and not parted out on craiglists. You will use it again.
    My advice is to use you mobile devices when you can, might not be for gaming the way you want but you get to be informed and entertained and your little one can still be in your arms having a bottle or dreaming. Its tough but it works and you can get through it without giving up what you love and helps you.
     
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  11. AlphaStatix

    AlphaStatix Member

    Yo! I have not read any other responses but just wanted to say, you are in good company here. No one is going to look at you or read this post and call you a baby. If they do, well, they can punch themselves. As for kids, I do not have any but I am an elementary teacher with 30 plus kids in my class and have found myself in the same boat. I have lost all my game time to grading, planning, and being newly married. Do not give up on your hobby. Just realize you are a new parent and you will get into the groove of things over time in which you will find moments of free time where you can game a bit. Do not give up. Just know it will be a bigger and more rewarding experience when you game. Be selective of your games and avoid Steam sales... Good luck and much respect.
     
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  12. Archpimp

    Archpimp New Member

    Gamer dad with a family and two kids (2.5yr and 3month old). I also have a 60 hour a week career as well. If gaming is a true passion then keep at it. I use as a way to escape when I need to but always have to make sure to keep my family first. I actually schedule time for gaming and make my desktop upgrades are part of the family budget along with everyone else's hobbies. I also have a Blade Pro for when Im on the go so I game when I have free time anywhere.

    It's not easy but you can make it work. It does get easier when the kids are a little older too. I have played some kinect games with my 2.5 yr old but she still needs a lot of help. good luck and don't try to play all your game. I probably played half of the 220 games in my steam library and less then a third with my free games with gold.
     
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  13. SandDIAMONDthink200

    SandDIAMONDthink200 New Member

    ive been gaming since i was 15. im 42 now. i have 4 kids, 1, 4, 5 and 9. i normally game at night when i put all the kids to sleep. 11pm - 2am. i have a terrific flexible job that allows me to work from home most of the time. gaming gets better with age. i have 3 gaming pc's, ps4, and an xbox one. when my first son was born, i was 33. i was heavy into going to raves, gaming, and hanging out. he changed all of that...for the better. now life is all about balancing your time. my wife understand my "me" time. just as i understand hers. just remember...BALANCE your life out. don't do too much or too little of what makes you happy.
     
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  14. Weirdly, I didn't start gaming til my lil one was about 2. I must say it's quite amazing to see him now at the age of 4 comprehending when I am in a WoW raid...he seems to understand mechanics and likes to play the Wii U as well. Just give it some time and everything should fall in place.
     
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  15. rageroid

    rageroid New Member

    Parenting takes a lot of energy but also gives you something more valuable (and as I understand, you already know this). As a father of a beautiful one-year-old daughter it's often hard to get that alone -time (thou as the the time goes on I find it easier to accept ;P). Luckily I have the best woman by my side who understands that gaming is a hobby like all others. That said I usually find myself gaming after the kids bedtime. Just make sure you give enough time and love to your family and I'm sure you'll get your gaming time too.

    What ever you do, don't lose the hope nor the will to live.
     
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  16. viirevox

    viirevox Member

    Having 2 boys myself, (ages 7 and 9) a disabled former partner, as well as also holding a 40-60hr/week job @ the time they were both born and very young - I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I am 30, and started gaming on the Atari, NES and PC platforms at a young age. I was really fortunate to have been around a lot of technology growing up, and it helped shape who I am as a person today.

    What I will say is that you have to resist the urge to throw it all away. That feeling you have that makes you want to ditch your stuff because you can't use it as much as you'd like - let that pass. Let those feelings go. What you have to grasp is that gaming time is something you can pick up and put down freely at any time - whereas that time with your children is something you can never get back once it is gone. Cherish those times with the thought in the back of your mind that your hobby will never let you down and will be just as ready for you as you are for it when you are able to have some free time to sit down and enjoy yourself. That will make your gaming time that much more fun and enjoyable when you do get it. I know that it actually helped reinvigorate my desire to play certain types of games and that excitement I hadn't had for playing since I was very young.

    What I can suggest that I found to be a bit of a relief during my times of extreme business - handheld gaming is definitely a viable and fun option. Whether it be in one of the popular console-based devices, or something on one of the mobile devices you already have. It may not be the titles you want to play - but can still be a form of relaxation. Since you have a decent PC, look into an NVIDIA Shield - where you can stream your games from your PC onto your shield which can be way more mobile and not tether you to a desk. While you may not be able to devote consecutive hours of a day at a time to your hobby anymore, it is something that you can make time for at some level. Thankfully, it is something that you can enjoy that keeps you at home with your family rather than being away from them. It is also something that you can pass on to your daughter when she gets old enough - and gaming with your kids is so much fun and truly is one of the most enjoyable experiences I have with my kids.

    There are certainly options, my friend. But just remember: hold that hobby dear, I know I do, but hold that little girl so much closer - as those young years go so fast.. and we can't restart those levels.

    Hope that helps.
    -Rev
     
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  17. SnipeAHolic12

    SnipeAHolic12 Active Member

    I love you all for the input. I really do. It really helps seeing what you all do to continue your hobby and still make time for family. Family means more to me than anything. My father kicked my mom, brother, and me out when I was two. My mom got remarried and my dad adopted me so I can have his last name. Family means more to me than anything else that I know. That is why I chose my daughter over myself. I chose to stay in college and on this earth for her. She is my everything. I will keep my PC. I am so glad I am not alone in this world or in this situation. I know I do not know any of you, but you are wonderful people. Your input made my whole week. The world is lucky to have individuals like you.

    I will look into a shield. I like the hand held one, but the new shield tablet coming out will have a Tegra X1 I believe it is called and also have a maxwell GPU in it. I will have to decide between the hand held with screen, or the stand alone tablet, but a shield looks like my best option. At night my daughter sleeps from 9:30 to 2, then falls asleep after a quick change and feeding, then back to still till 6:3-7. However, from 9:30-2, I am holding her. I do not want to let her go. For one, I love holding her, but the second reason I hold her is because whenever I put her in her bed she wakes up. Her mother can put her in her crib, but I just can't seem to do it haha. So I will sit there in the dark for 4 hours just so she can stay asleep. If i have a shield tablet I would be able to play games. That does seem like a really awesome option.

    Thank you all again for the input. I hope this post continues to receive feedback and more gamers with children comment so they know they are not alone or that they can help someone like me. Thank you all, so very much.
     
  18. OhHeyItsBecky

    OhHeyItsBecky Active Member

    Every family is different and each child is different. I was 20 when I had my son and while I was still with his father gaming was easy. My son slept through the night right away and by 2 months he was done with naps, he's 4 1/2 now and never went back to taking naps. Thankfully when my son was little he'd sleep 16 hours, wake up to eat and be changed but he liked all his sleep at once instead of napping multiple times a day. This made it easy to game and raid with our guild and all of that. But when my son was about 1 1/2 he flipped his sleep schedule (which was hell) and would stay up all night and crash at about 6am. Nothing would make him go to bed earlier and this lasted about a year, so I rarely gamed. In that time his father took off. Being a single mom and in school gaming did not happen. I'd occasionally have the chance to play something on my DS or if I got lucky a game of LoL ever 4 months. As somebody who has played games since they were very little, it can be a hard shift to stop. But last April when ESO came out, my son was old enough to entertain himself in the same room with toys, his ipad, coloruing, or just using his imagination and I would get an hour or two of game time in during the day after homework and then I'd play a couple more hours when he went to sleep. This worked for us. It gave me the chance to wind down after school work and before bed and he was happy to play with his on stuff and do his own thing for a little. Since he started preschool last October it's been even easier. I'd get my homework done within the first hour or so of him going to school and have 2 more hours of solid game time before his bus dropped him off.

    For some people, they are able to make it work when their kids are still little and for others, they have to wait longer. Every situation is different but don't sell your stuff. Your daughter is still little and it will get easier with time. Just keep focusing on her and finishing school and work in gaming when you have free time. If she's taking a nap, play for a little bit. I remember when my son was really little (around a month) he'd just sit in his bouncer and I'd have him face me and I'd play something on the console behind him for a little. He was happy just sitting there in his bouncer. They grow up so much faster than you'll believe. Good Luck, You'll figure out something that works best for your family.
     
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  19. kajira

    kajira Mother of Gaming

    I had my kids very early. I was 18 with my first, 19 with my second, 23 with my third and 30 with my fourth. However, I've been gaming most of that time as well. I did take a gaming break because my (now ex) husband and I couldn't afford a PC back when they were first "the thing" and my parents didn't let me take any of our consoles with me when I moved out. (I still had two younger brothers at home, and they wanted them to be able to use them)

    So, at 18 I moved out and at 19 I was married (he was USAF, so we traveled a LOT) and I just did "the mom thing" for the first few years. I did volunteer work for the Red Cross since we lived overseas for a lot of the beginning but mostly I just stayed at home with the kids. Once we moved back to the states PC's were finally a bit more reasonable (roughly 1994) so we bought one and I started gaming again. My marriage to him wasn't meant to be (we were just too young and made commitments we weren't ready to keep because we didn't know each other well enough) so we split up.

    I kept the PC and that's actually how I met my second husband, @sirjarren , the two of us have been gaming together ever since. (we first met playing Diablo in Jan 1997) For obvious reasons sometimes our game time drops off to almost nothing, but we always find our way back into something.

    Kids makes it hard to play at times, but it's also something you can share with them and often they'll treasure it forever. Of my four kids two of them are serious gamers, one of them plays things casually and the other is just accepting of them. However, ALL of them will still bring snacks and a blanket to come snuggle on the couch for hours while we watch one family member play a horror game or while we play trivia, Mario Party, Super Smash Bros, SingStar, RockBand or something else together. That is something that every single one of them enjoys. Now that my kids are quite a bit older, (23, 21, 18, 11) that means that for our family game time sometimes we all pack up our snacks, blankets and drinks and go to my daughter's house and watch her boyfriend play. lol

    Having kids doesn't mean giving up gaming, it just means making adjustments to when and how you play. I sometimes used one of those donut-like pillows on my lap and nursed my babies at the PC desk while I played and then they'd take their naps there with me in my lap. (I just couldn't spend hours and hours and hours after they were like 6mos old sitting in the rocking chair doing nothing. LOL) As they got older they learned to follow along and enjoy watching, and as I mentioned above, they still do. It's something that can either become a serious sore spot (for you and other family members) or it's something that can be a real bonding experience that you share.

    I'm sure you'll figure out what works best for you and your family. Just remember, no matter how much time it takes to be a good parent, it's always worth it in the end ... and eventually, they leave and move out to be adults on their own. So, be glad you're making the time for them now, because 20-25yrs from now all those sweet baby things will just be memories, and the games will still be there waiting for you. :) :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2015
    BobbyMike and SnipeAHolic12 like this.
  20. SnipeAHolic12

    SnipeAHolic12 Active Member

    I do enjoy reading these stories about how you all started a family and continued your passion. Trust me, every post in this thread I have read. Seeing what you all have gone through makes me realize that I too can do this. I will be a parent now and forever, and games can wait. There are other ways to play PC games and there is always a time to play. I will make time for my family now, and later on make time for myself once my daughter and any future children are able to entertain themselves, play with me, or go to school. Since I am only 21, I will have many years of gaming ahead, but seeing my daughter at 2 1/2 months only happens once. I will keep this in mind every day. Thank you all so much.
     
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